"When Words Fail, Music Speaks"- Hans Christian Anderson
I recently was asked to be on a talk show style podcast about the topic of "aging" of all things. Now some of you may laugh, some of you may feel sorry for me, some of you would shy away, and some of you might do what I did - embrace a wonderful opportunity to espouse the virtues of being in your 3rd act in life being 60 years old and experiencing a lot of wonderful things including a supportive partner and wonderful husband as a "late in lifer"
In the 1980s-90s, both Warren and I “served our time” on the stage in the performance world before, during and after receiving our Music Education and Music Performance Degrees from the UK School of Music.
After both of us went through marriages that did not support, align, nor even allow what we were both doing separately with music- we both abandoned the musical ship to keep the peace in the home, raise our separate families, and live each day in what most musicians call “your day job”. We honestly didn't even pick it up again until we were 55 or so.
In between that time around age 39, I suffered a stroke that left me "profoundly deaf" and unable to hear or coordinate my left hand with my right hand to play the piano.
Yes, I am deaf. And for you that have been around me in a crowded and noisy room attempting to converse, you know what the "profoundly deaf" part means.
As you can imagine, for a musician and mother of a then 6 month old, this was devastating but that experience also re-tooled me with skills in other areas and I learned to adjust and compensate with not being able to hear sound, pitch and to manage noise in the background. People have also made great fun of this too. Really sad.
The two of us reconnected ten years ago and both sharing a passion for music, forming a 501c3 non-profit organization working with the university oral history department and a community radio station to record stories and songs from music legends before they were no longer able to tell their stories - and also upon learning that each of us had put music on the back burner for 35 years- we decided we loved that about each other and didnt want to spend the next 35 without music and art in some form or fashion in our lives because in our previous marriages - we had felt incomplete and not whole without it.
Fast forward…
Did we want to get out and perform in venues? NO
Did we want to reengage in time consuming and disciplined practice of our classical music training? NO
Did we want to create experiences that would engage others in loving what we had missed for so long? YES
Did we want to help others get the recognition they might use to provide tools and resources and time to help ANYONE that asked for our help? YES
Did I have the talent, skills and background to do all of this which is totally outside of my comfort zone?
I DID NOT THINK SO....so but my husband DID.
And I am so glad he did.
I would have not been able to experience life in the same way I have experienced it in the past, with someone who did not THINK so.
Again, I didn't think so but my husband DID.
If you are aligned with someone who doesn't THINK SO - then please make a choice to see your value, live differently and live through a differently lens preferably with someone who does THINK SO.
One thing I have also realized during these 62 years that has served me well is that everything you do and every decision you make is a CHOICE and we CHOOSE to believe that because we never ever ever really know what is going on in someone's life - that we try to always align my values and thoughts around a belief that "everyone is doing the best that they possibly can at any given moment, choice or decision.
We believe that about all of you - and it is our greatest hope you believe that about us as well.
So in the words of Hans Christian Anderson, who said “when words fail (and do they ever fail!) …MUSIC SPEAKS (and does it ever speak)
For to focus on the words and accomplishments of the past is like looking in the rear view mirror - it is good to look glance back and see how far you have come, but if you stare too long, you will miss what is right in front of you.
BUT when you do look back and reflect on themes in life that comprise the model of your own success and passions, you can put the periscope up and see that the proportions are much more in alignment.
Hopefully what you will see when you see me, is that even a deaf 62 year old female domestic abuse survivor who has found the love of her life in her 50's can stand on all of these stages and share something as beautiful and powerful as music together and at a time where neither of us can or choose to perform it.
I can also choose to turn off the noise ( I can't hear the noise anyway) and experience life in a most fulfilling way that includes everything great that was acquired along the path and what wasn't great, just leave behind. We hope by our daily actions - we can inspire you to do the same.
When Words Fail....Music Speaks
Let’s let music and the arts in general “speak” for a "change".
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